J
Jake5282
Guest
YOU ARE A REDNECK FIREMAN IF………
•your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
• you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
• your firehouse has wheels.
• you've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
• Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
• you've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
• at least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
• your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
• you don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
• you've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
• your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
• your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
• your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
• dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
• the local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
• your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
• you've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
• your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
• your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
• the only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
YOU ARE A REDNECK IF………………..
•None of your shirts cover your stomach.
•You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
•You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
•You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
•You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
•Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
•You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
•You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
•You own a homemade fur coat.
•The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
•You think the stock market has a fence around it.
•You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
•You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
•You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
•You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
•You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
•Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
•Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
•You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
•You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
•You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
•Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
•You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
•The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
•Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
•The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
•your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
• you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
• your firehouse has wheels.
• you've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
• Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
• you've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
• at least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
• your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
• you don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
• you've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
• your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
• your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
• your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
• dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
• the local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
• your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
• you've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
• your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
• your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
• the only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
YOU ARE A REDNECK IF………………..
•None of your shirts cover your stomach.
•You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
•You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
•You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
•You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
•Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
•You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
•You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
•You own a homemade fur coat.
•The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
•You think the stock market has a fence around it.
•You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
•You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
•You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
•You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
•You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
•Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
•Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
•You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
•You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
•You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
•Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
•You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
•The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
•Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
•The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.