Doc Watson
New member
I’m trying to write this narrative poem while avoiding as many cliches as possible. But there is always the danger that metaphors and clever turns of a phrase will not be understood by many readers. So, seriously, is the message clear enough here?
(This is from a poem called 'In This Unreal City.')
*
And how can we not mock
a city so foolish
as to squander a once grand and noble profession,
trading art and integrity for a third Rolls-Royce,
while convincing the world the puppet is more worthy
of our attention than the play, or the manikin
on the runway is a significant second choice?
Thank God there are a few
visionary mavericks
who eschew the celebrity dribble to address
the Wallace Beerys of the world found in all of us.
(I realize many won't know who Wallace Beery was and am thinking about this alternative version for the last two lines. Which version do you feel better gets the point across?)
Alternate version:
who eschew the celebrity dribble to respect
the wonders of cinema for all the rest of us.
(This is from a poem called 'In This Unreal City.')
*
And how can we not mock
a city so foolish
as to squander a once grand and noble profession,
trading art and integrity for a third Rolls-Royce,
while convincing the world the puppet is more worthy
of our attention than the play, or the manikin
on the runway is a significant second choice?
Thank God there are a few
visionary mavericks
who eschew the celebrity dribble to address
the Wallace Beerys of the world found in all of us.
(I realize many won't know who Wallace Beery was and am thinking about this alternative version for the last two lines. Which version do you feel better gets the point across?)
Alternate version:
who eschew the celebrity dribble to respect
the wonders of cinema for all the rest of us.