Are my in-laws typical or do REAL families exist?

[Suzie]

My husband and I both come from large families, so I understand money can be tight, however, our in-laws are extremely cheap when it comes to US. They splurge on several other of their children, but then complain to us how times are tough, etc. They stopped giving at Christmas several years ago, which is fine, but you'd think they'd hand us an empty card and wish us a Merry Christmas or something. Our Birthday acknowledgements have stopped as well. A few of my sister in laws feel that we should do more to come around, but as far as I'm concerned, the MIL has set the stage years ago when she decided we didn't deserve any respect by not coming here, calling, or being ANY part of our childrens' lives. Somehow she feels she deserves to be treated with respect, but it isn't equal. Anyhow, I have mentioned to the hubby that it would be fine with me to stop giving them gifts on Mother and Father's Day, their birthdays, Christmas, and any other occasion we buy for them. They DO give a small gift to our two children at Christmas and their birthday. He blew up and said we will continue. To me, it's fake and phony and doesn't have any meaning behind it. Our kids don't know them nor do they want to know our children, but we play this game as if we are a close family. We may live close, but there is no contact unless something happens. Beleive me, we tried, but they were always too busy to spend time with our kids..When I met my husband, he had very little to do with them and I pushed him to be more involved. Now I see why he wasn't, but now his mom makes him feel guilty if she needs us. Families are supposed to be close and help one another out, but in our case there is nothing unless WE are doing it. After nearly 25 years of this, I'm worn out and feeling bitter. It's starting to make me resent being married since the hubby won't say anything to his mom about the way she is not involved in our lives WHATSOEVER. He said he tried once, but she laughed it off, so he doesn't want to make it worse. This lady has also been very sarcastic and on the verge of mean toward me all this time. Is there any good advice in handling a Queen Bee? Thanks.