Are most relationships built on unspoken agreements to keep secrets from each

R

Rowdy M

New member
Generally, I don't think so, although that is probably a component of many relationships (intimate relationships?). For example, I'm sure that many men and women will surficially agree with their spouse on "hot button" issues, while secretly not agreeing at all. Also, many will hide from their spouse certain events of their past, or certain kinky fantasies, for fear of angering, disgusting, or alienating their mate.

But, for the most part, one cannot have a satisfying intimate relationship without a fair amount of intimate and honest disclosure.
 
other and maintain pretenses? This isn't something I believe but it's something my step dad (an awful cynic) has maintained.

He compares most marriages to a story he tells about his Uncle Irving in NYC. Uncle Irv for a long time went to an Italian butcher shop and would point to a ham and say, "I want some of that roast beef." Now, he knew it was ham and the butcher knew he knew, but somehow if Uncle Irv pretended he didn't know and if the butcher played along, then his failure to eat kosher was something he could forgive himself.

So one day the butcher's son is there. "I want some of that roast beef."

"That's not roast beef, it's ham..."

And that ruined it for Uncle Irv. He couldn't pretend.

Are relationships really like this?
 
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