l'existence
New member
I have a history of cyclothymia and major depression. Because of this, I have almost no ability to be proud of myself or to have self-esteem. When it comes to dating, often the first few dates go well, and then my intensity comes out. This intensity comes off as me "needing" the other person. Now, I understand relationships are about both people and about compromise, but that is AFTER they have been firmly established. People don't compromise or stand any sort of emotional intensity during the first month or so of dating because this, especially for men, seems to indicate "neediness" or "instability", and thoughts of the insecure, incompetent, lowly man emerge and scare the other away. But despite years of therapy and accomplishments in school, college, and volunteering, I still don't have the ability to be attractive. I find a life without love as extremely depressing and I know I'm a weak, puny, embarassing person for that. But I don't know what to do. I literally fail every single time. And it's painful. I don't want to get hurt anymore or ruminate. I just want a simple way to resolve that I'll be doomed to singleness for ever.