Anyone's sex life affected by pain or numbness.

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dayna5

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Dear Oliver,

U have made your point extremely well. Never thought of it that way...guess i always took that part for granted. I thought from a female part it was harder cuz it wasn't that we couldn't (some cases we can't) but we don't have the desire we used to. You have changed my feelings. And I do hope you find that day when you hang off of the chandaleir (sp?...i give up)
that it works and sparks fly everywhere!!!!!! It will come, no pun intended, lol. (sorry, couldn't resist)

Cozy, now maatter how frustrated he is, there is no excuse for taking a temper tatrum like that. My ex used to do that, it's called intimadation. I am hoping this is not the norm for him and he just lost it cuz if it is, it only gets worse. I remeraber having sex with my ex crying the whole time cuz I just didn't want him to touch me, he just beat the heck out of me.....and he didn't seem to see the tears. Please be careful, I am only saying this cuz I care, and I know it's none of my business, but i wuv you!!!!

luv you guys,
dayna :angel:

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ruptured disk L4-L5
surgery dis & lami on Jan. 14th, 2002, didn't work great...mmore pain than before
sciatic neuropathy
epilepsy (TLE)
owner of five kiRAB, any takers???, just kidding
did have tubes tied...maybe a little too late, once again just kidding
Love to write, post, and anw=swer anyone
Had Millions of MRI's, Cat scans, EMG, not pleasant, and cortizone epidural shots (three) hated them!!!!!
Love, me
 
Hi All!
I have a question on this subject, I have always continued to try to have a sex life, as most of you know. :D
but last night for the first time I could not feel what I used to, this has me concerned. I would hurt during sex, but never did I not feel it!
Does this mean things are getting worse?
I hope It was just a fluke!
Any advice?
bee

hope for pain free moments
 
Thanks. I think I will continue to set back and see if he will talk about things on his own.
Merry Christmas,
Ceya
 
Hi everyone. As some of you know my husband had back surgery. He was in a car accident two years ago today. Last Nov. He had the surgery on his neck with the medel plate. This Nov. was the lower back. We have 5 children together, blended and our youngest in now 7.
We had a great sex life. It was long inbetween mainly because on the youngest, but still good when we had it. He has always been extremely patient with me when I had the baby, when I had surgery and so on. Never agressive always understanding. However we rarely discuss sexed before he is kinda old fashioned. I am not sure how to bring this issue up. I do not want to hurt his ego. Or make him depressed. Before this last surgery somethings have changed. You know position, and strength and stuff. I miss that. I am not in his shoes. I thought some of you may help me. I am 39.
I really miss sex sometimes. any advice. What should I do?? Will we ever be able to have what we use to?
Ceya
 
I hurt my back one day before I went to the gyno to get a different birth control prescription. I wanted to switch to a different kind because I believed that one I was taking was eliminating my labido. Well I got the new prescription and the next day my back got so bad when I was at work and I tried to get out of my chair and got stuck and could not move. So I waited to take the new birth control pill because I thought it would be like torture if I really wanted to have sex all of the sudden and could not. Well it's been 6 weeks now since the injury and I have taken the new birth control pill for about a week. I really don't have any idea if it will help with my labido yet because I am afraid of making my back hurt more so I just really don't enjoy having sex right now. About two weeks ago I did try to go for the big "o" but I tried doing it without moving my back at all. The back involuntarily moves while having one. I did not know that before because I never had tried not to move my back during sex. I did hurt the next day from the involuntary back muscle movement. We tried yesterday with my husband using his fingers. I just could not enjoy it because I felt a very mild back tightening during. It just makes be feel panicky because only 3 weeks ago my back was so bad that I could not get out of bed by myself. I had to lay there and wait for 3 hours one time while I had to go to the bathroom for my husband to come home and bring me to the bathroom. I am glad that I do have feeling down there though. I don't really have any nurabness so that is a good sign. I just don't know how much longer until I will be better. It really hasn't been that long.
 
Thanks to all for starting this discussion and the honest sharing that followed. I have spina-bifida, scoliosis and, among other things, a tethered spinal cord which has, in the past two years, caused me to lose a significant amount of motor functioning. I also have an active 3-year-old son. So at the end of the day, when my pain is the greatest, sex is the absolute last thing on my mind. I sympathize with Cozy who mentioned (way, way back on this thread!) that her husband is angry and unsympathetic. My husband does not have "hissy fits", but is mostly passive-agressive about the whole thing. It's terrible to say, but I dread every night when the time comes for him to go to bed, because I know the question is out there in the air, without him having to say a word, and I know that I cannot generate the energy to comply. Also, due to the spinal cord issues, which I've had from birth, I've never been sure if my sexual sensations have ever been normal. They are normal to me, I guess, and I do enjoy sex when I'm in the miRABt of it...it's just mustering the strength to get there that is the most daunting for me.

You guys are great...God, what a relief! Thanks...franjo
 
Thanks to All.
Davy I appreciate your reply. I hope that no one is offended by asking you this questions. You have provided me with a little more insight into my husbanRAB problems and pain.
Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a better than ever new year.
Ceya
 
Hi guys

So sorry Cozy, you should not have to put up with that on top of everything else you are dealing with.
My husband is just the opposite. I think I probably could do the deed, but he absolutely will not. He says he is afraid he will hurt me more and will not risk it. I am about to start throwing things. LOL just kidding

Sweetiepie :bouncing:
 
Alison,
My husband is 10 years older than me and we have two children. My parents really freaked out at first, but they really had no choice. I don't know if the age thing bothered them as much as me being so young, but now that we have been married quite a while they have adjusted quite nicely.LOL. I just thought it was kinda interested how much we have in common. You also hurt your back at work didn't you?

My original injury was two years ago when I caught a resident from falling and herniated a disc. That was "healed" from shots and therapy. I went back to work and did quite well for two years, and all of the sudden all I was doing was dressing a resident and pop it went out again. The doc says it doesn't look any worse this time, but there is no "healing". I suppose this is because it is a re-injury, I don't know.

I suppose it is time to try to find a new profession, but this is all I have ever done and it is a little scary. I would love to go back to school, but this is just not in the "funRAB" right now. Cripes I am rarabling again, and it has nothing to do with the subject. LOL

LeAnne
 
I will pray that a miracle finRAB you and your hubby.In the meantime maybe you could try talking about other options then intercourse.I can not even imagine how hard this must be for you. You are both in my prayers.
 
Hi there All!! :bouncing:..
I want you to all go back to the Spinal Dis page and read the very 'explicit" post I put on there at 4am this morning !.. Davy and I started it off on there ..on his "Davy surgery 6th 7th topic .. Want it to open up discussion ?
It is SO IMPORTANT we do this , eh?.. help you all with same or similar problems ?..
Love Belle NZ xxx..
Ps Davy .. Have a GREAT Holiday eh? Will miss you Too !!!

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A Friend!
 
belle,
glad to see you found the new post! I did answer the other one
dizzy.gif

like I said on the other post, I refuse to give up on a sex life. I try to find the most comfy position with the least amount of stress on my spine.
lately the spoon position has worked for me.
any other ideas anyone?
bee

hope for pain free moments
 
hello everyone. i am new here. i have inflamed scar tissue from a previous discectomy (sp?) . i am in pain all the time have nurabness in foot and right ankle and pain in leg and hip. i also have scoliosis and DDD. i am getting my 1st cortizone shot in 2 days. ok enuf about my background. i am sitting here in more pain than usual because my husband and i had sex for the first time in weeks. i do not regret it. but i am really hurting now. i thoroughly enjoyed this topic and can relate. i am 35 and hubby is 27 and b4 this all happend we had a very good sex life. now i rarely have a sex drive at all and when i do im hurting the next day. my hubby is 240lbs and im maybe 114. so its hard for us. we have a fav position that works well for me (if ya know what i mean). but this position has me twisted around like a "slinky" as my hubby calls it lol. anyway im so not ready to give up on my sex life. im happy to know that there are other people out there with this prob and they are willing to talk about it. thank you for letting me share

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Michelle
 
Alison,

Just read the mmm post.
Must have me mixed up with someone else? Fortunately I own a business which my son is running for me just now, although I am in contact on a daily basis.

It would appear that there is no preparation prior to surgery here in the UK.Whereas, over in your part of the wooRAB I think they would have had me in a collar right away, strange eh! In saying that, I have to go into Hospital on the 5th Aug with surgery to take place the following day or the day thereafter,Suppose they have some prep then.Will let you know after the event.

Love to you and yours
heart.gif


Davy
 
Hmm, I just started getting this "nurabness" a few weeks ago. My doc said to just be aware of pain, function, and sensation (or loss there of) in everything from the belly button to the groin. I've been trying to explain it away, thinking it was psychological, maybe depression over this and other health problems I am dealing with, not to mention the fact I'm on pain meRAB... but then I'd think, well, none of the other factors have changed, nothing new introduced....so what the heck is THIS all about?

It isn't like all sensation is gone, it just feels like trying to talk after novocaine injections.... you can still feel things, but they feel different.

I'm hoping this is temporary just related to a flare up. I really am.
 
You need to change your expectations before the both of you suffer!!

We change, even those without back problems or surgeries, we all change,...we grow, we get old, we develop aches and pains, we change our minRAB, the things we once enjoyed are now annoying to us,...it is life. If you cannot change with the ones you love, if you cannot enter into and create a new love, if you continue to expect things and people and events to be what they once were, -- you will be sadly disappointed and very alone.

Old fashioned or not, this neeRAB talking about. With him, more importantly, than us. Try role reversal and imagine instead of thinking how your neeRAB are not being met -- think of how he is feeling knowing he is not pleasing you. He may feel like a failure, he may feel erabarassed, he may feel emasculated, he may be fearful or apprehensive, he may feel angry, or depressed. If on top of all this you add the burden of your unmet sexual neeRAB, you may just serve to add to his frustrations.

Have you considered talking with him, about HIS neeRAB? Try it because chances are he'll be more receptive to FIRST talking about what he would like, how he feels, what makes him feel good and aroused and inspired...it's a place to start and grow from. FROM there, a comfort level can be created to delve into your neeRAB. I'm not suggesting your neeRAB get squashed, I'm just suggesting you reverse the order in which you are approaching this.

He sounRAB like a very gentle, patient, loving man, and it would be ashame to avoid discussing this very important issue, or ashame to attack it, or put him on the defensive,... it sounRAB like you have a great family and it is deserving of some giving attention.

Sometimes our neeRAB get met in the best way when we first attempt to meet the neeRAB of others. Thing is we usually don't approach it this way, we try to get our neeRAB met first, and in doing so, without realizing it, can actually repel the very person we're trying to get close to.
 
Davy- Wow thats strange. I really thought you had said that. Sorry for the mix up.
To Hayley, purple, Davy, and every one else! Have a good rest tonight! Take care

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-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.
 
Hi Baxter!! and Merrida ..
heart.gif


Thank you for your kind thoughts Baxter .. it means a lot.
You are right.. I am concerned, like DavyD, that Merrida get checked and not left too long with her problems.??

I haven't told anyone of some of the things I/we are going thru in my home.,...
like just recently
We had a nice cuddle (as I told my husband, Women need to feel Loved, too)
..

the cuddle was nice but my resulting leg spasms were not as anticipated !!,..
He gave up!!
t_down.gif


He lost his cool and that was the end !!
I know others would say
"Stuff him!.. what about YOU?" etc. but I do feel bad that he's in this position.
He wants the best for both of us,and I know that . :angel:
and I should be thankful for that !!
Thanks again Baxter for your support on here
love1.gif
..
Good luck Merrida xxx
Love Belle NZ

PS. 5 Jan 03. 12.39 am.
I have edited this post as I feel a bit erabarassed I may have said too much ??.. Some people may not like my openess , I don't know ? Yet I know it is the only place I can confide in.?
I won't apologise as I tell others not to .. but I've removed some of the text , makes me feel a bit less explicit; I realized it after I posted ..
Thanks anyway ..
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A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 01-04-2003).]
 
Belle0050, I spent a LITTLE time reading the post from a FEW DAYS ago! LOL I believe that alot of people are experiencing this kind of problems. I dont know if it was from the back problems or the abdomen, intestinal problems. But here i set reading and wondering..It is a hard conversational piece!! LOL I have been experiencing problems for a few months now. And didnt think about sharing this with strangers! I find it difficult to have sex with and sometimes without penitration. It is really painful to have a "O"..but is also painful long after in the abdominal area. Sometimes i think i will just give it up! But that would not be fair to my BF or to myself. So i guess im wondering if it is from the herniated disc L5 S1 that includes spinal stenosis of the R and at times the L leg. Butt to back of knee.Burning feet and tingling legs. Or if it is from a few other problems i have been having for the last 5 years....The NS has recommended me to have a Laminectomy, but i am still trying other aspects first.BF and I are both 44, and he is very understanding about all the problems i have.. But i do feel bad for him and all he is having to do without.. In more things than just the sex and intamacy . This is a hard subject to really get into! Hopefully all the ones that havent came back are pain in the BACK free and having great time rekindalling the flames... :bouncing: Maybe there is hope after all!!!!!!
 
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