H
himynameisherman
Guest
I am bored and want to hear some good jokes. Feel free to post any joke you want and the best one will get best answer. What is the best joke/jokes you have heard?
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T
Taryn
Guest
This blonde was at a coke machine and and put her change in and mashed a button and out comes a drink. So she puts some more change in and pushed another button and out comes a drink. She keeps putting change in and pushing buttons and getting drinks. Here comes a man and asks the blonde if she is gonna be through at this machine any time soon and she responded" I'm not gonna quit until I stop winning."
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Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A:Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
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A blonde, brunette, and redhead were standing on the edge of the pool ready for the 100 yard breast stroke race...
The starter shot the pistol and the three dove into the water and began swimming.
A few minutes later, the brunette finished and jumped out of the water. Then the redhead.
About twenty minutes later, the blonde emerged.
They awarded the gold to the brunette, the silver to the redhead, and the bronze to the blonde.
As they placed the medal around her neck, the blonde whispered, " I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think the other two used their arms."
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I love this one:
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde!?"
"Because that's a microwave." he replied.
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Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A:Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde, brunette, and redhead were standing on the edge of the pool ready for the 100 yard breast stroke race...
The starter shot the pistol and the three dove into the water and began swimming.
A few minutes later, the brunette finished and jumped out of the water. Then the redhead.
About twenty minutes later, the blonde emerged.
They awarded the gold to the brunette, the silver to the redhead, and the bronze to the blonde.
As they placed the medal around her neck, the blonde whispered, " I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think the other two used their arms."
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I love this one:
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde!?"
"Because that's a microwave." he replied.
S
sam
Guest
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy?? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big a$$...she goes...why you.....and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room...fixes him self up....combs/fixes his hair.....straightens out his glasses...puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her....boy u got small boobs.....she says do i really...hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off....take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs...she says omg...do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it...it worked on your big a$$ didnt it...
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and
have a conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I
come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives. . . "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta
sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend"wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?" His friend says"Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest.....Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre. They went to see "Closed For The Winter".
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."
Blond: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big a$$...she goes...why you.....and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room...fixes him self up....combs/fixes his hair.....straightens out his glasses...puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her....boy u got small boobs.....she says do i really...hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off....take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs...she says omg...do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it...it worked on your big a$$ didnt it...
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and
have a conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I
come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives. . . "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta
sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend"wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?" His friend says"Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest.....Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre. They went to see "Closed For The Winter".
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."
Blond: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
J
JBofAries
Guest
I have a great idea! If you're bored and need some great jokes, come on over to JoannasJokes at Yahoo Groups.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoannasJokes/
The site has been there since 2002 and just keeps on growing bigger and better each and every day. It's a very happy place to be.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoannasJokes/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoannasJokes/
The site has been there since 2002 and just keeps on growing bigger and better each and every day. It's a very happy place to be.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JoannasJokes/