this is the first two paragraphs of my latest book. I know where the story's going, so i was just wondering if anyone had some constructive critisism?
This is it:
When we were little, I used to think of you as one of the guys. It wasn’t until at least junior high that I realized you weren’t. You began to dress more like a girl, and your hair grew long, reaching your elbows. I was uncomfortable around you; I didn’t know how to act. I stopped calling you; I stopped hanging out with you. I knew it was hurting you, I could see it in your eyes when I passed you in the hallway at school. Eventually, you took my lead, ignoring me just as I ignored you.
When I left town for college, we hadn’t even acknowledged each other’s presence for five years. Now, five years after I left for college, I’m coming back to the town where I know you still live. I can’t help but wonder. Do you still hate me? Or, will we just pick up right where we left off ten years ago?
This is it:
When we were little, I used to think of you as one of the guys. It wasn’t until at least junior high that I realized you weren’t. You began to dress more like a girl, and your hair grew long, reaching your elbows. I was uncomfortable around you; I didn’t know how to act. I stopped calling you; I stopped hanging out with you. I knew it was hurting you, I could see it in your eyes when I passed you in the hallway at school. Eventually, you took my lead, ignoring me just as I ignored you.
When I left town for college, we hadn’t even acknowledged each other’s presence for five years. Now, five years after I left for college, I’m coming back to the town where I know you still live. I can’t help but wonder. Do you still hate me? Or, will we just pick up right where we left off ten years ago?