Any opinions on my poem? Your time would be appreciated?

P

Poot

New member
Like a mighty tree
Our friendships grow
Without proper tending
The limbs would hang low

As the years passÂ*
Roots of friendship extend
While some leaves fall over time
They'll grow anew again.Â*

As beautiful as one tree can be
Nothings more majestic
Than a full forestÂ*
of growth and green.Â*

Yet I feel like I'm in a desert
Slowly dying, going dry,
Praying for an oasis
Which may bring me new life.Â*
 
I love this! The poem is beautiful, and has a nice flow.
Kudos on your word choices --I can really envision this picturesque scene, seeing how the metaphors for friendships are slowly dying and being lost. A friendship might start out strong, but if you don't nurture it...

The four verses is perfect. The last one sums it up nicely. There is a drastic change from being full of life to thirsting for life, which is very emotional. The whole idea of a friendship is a tree has been done before, but you make it new in a way. Good job!
 
The sentiment is sincere, but the technique needs more work. The first stanza led me to expect some kind of rhyme scheme, but more importantly, a consistent metrical scheme with deviations only for poetic effect and not due to technical limitations. If someone were to set this poem to music, what changes could you make that would make it easier for the musician?
 
Back
Top