aLwAyS_mE!
New member
Not really sure what to write here, not sure that anything is wrong with me, this might be a big long rambling of nothingness but here it goes.
For the last few years i can recall feeling this way, but not as bad as this.
While at uni i remember getting angry at the smallest things (not angry alot, just it taking nothing to set me off). I rarely expressed my anger out loud, tried writing a journal, didn't help. I can remember several instances clearly, housemates going cinema without me, having to go hospital on birthday and all my "mates" leaving me to go by myself and go on night out instead.
Other times i'd be very lethargic. I know all students are lazy, good for nothing, drunk at night, sleep during the day people, but what I felt wasn't just oh-i'll-stay-in-bed-got-nothing-better-to-do-ness but complete lack of any desire to do anything. I recall lying in bed for days on end, missing lectures, not eating, missing assignments. When it came to exam time this got worse until the point when i was starting to learn modules litterally a few days before the final exams. I don't know why, it wasn't that the work was THAT hard, wasn't that I felt there was so much to do i couldn't cope, i just had no motivation to do anything.
Now i've finished university, i'm working in a deadend job (only meant to be temporary (been there 7 months now)) I have barely applied for any jobs that take my fancy, barely even looked. I'm back living at home, my dad's been constantly looking coming up with placements, graduate schemes, internships in what WAS what i wanted to do. But i haven't applied for any of them, same feeling as with the work, just no motivation. I lie about applying, say that i've been rejected because of my low university degree classification.
When i'm at work i do nothing, i get in late, i do no work until i absolutely have to (i have cost my company thousands of pounds in fines for late payment of bills), i usually sit online on facebook or reading the news for hours on end. I go home, have my dinner, sit in front of TV then go bed. I play football for a team and have training twice a week, i meet up with my friends every couple of weeks and have a good time. There doesn't seem any purpose in my life, i'm used to being the driven one out of my friends, the one who had goals, new where he wanted to be, i was always the one who organised meeting up, nights out, but i got angry at my mates for never doing it and haven't organised anything in nearly 3 months now. Now all my friends are getting better jobs, they seem driven, while i'm stuck in this rut. I used to go gym regularly at uni, not been since september now, just too far away to be assed to go there after work.
My mum and dad are trying to help, but i just get angry at anything that they do or even say. I dont think a day goes by when i haven't shouted at one of them for something (usually over nothing).
Is there anything wrong with me?
For the last few years i can recall feeling this way, but not as bad as this.
While at uni i remember getting angry at the smallest things (not angry alot, just it taking nothing to set me off). I rarely expressed my anger out loud, tried writing a journal, didn't help. I can remember several instances clearly, housemates going cinema without me, having to go hospital on birthday and all my "mates" leaving me to go by myself and go on night out instead.
Other times i'd be very lethargic. I know all students are lazy, good for nothing, drunk at night, sleep during the day people, but what I felt wasn't just oh-i'll-stay-in-bed-got-nothing-better-to-do-ness but complete lack of any desire to do anything. I recall lying in bed for days on end, missing lectures, not eating, missing assignments. When it came to exam time this got worse until the point when i was starting to learn modules litterally a few days before the final exams. I don't know why, it wasn't that the work was THAT hard, wasn't that I felt there was so much to do i couldn't cope, i just had no motivation to do anything.
Now i've finished university, i'm working in a deadend job (only meant to be temporary (been there 7 months now)) I have barely applied for any jobs that take my fancy, barely even looked. I'm back living at home, my dad's been constantly looking coming up with placements, graduate schemes, internships in what WAS what i wanted to do. But i haven't applied for any of them, same feeling as with the work, just no motivation. I lie about applying, say that i've been rejected because of my low university degree classification.
When i'm at work i do nothing, i get in late, i do no work until i absolutely have to (i have cost my company thousands of pounds in fines for late payment of bills), i usually sit online on facebook or reading the news for hours on end. I go home, have my dinner, sit in front of TV then go bed. I play football for a team and have training twice a week, i meet up with my friends every couple of weeks and have a good time. There doesn't seem any purpose in my life, i'm used to being the driven one out of my friends, the one who had goals, new where he wanted to be, i was always the one who organised meeting up, nights out, but i got angry at my mates for never doing it and haven't organised anything in nearly 3 months now. Now all my friends are getting better jobs, they seem driven, while i'm stuck in this rut. I used to go gym regularly at uni, not been since september now, just too far away to be assed to go there after work.
My mum and dad are trying to help, but i just get angry at anything that they do or even say. I dont think a day goes by when i haven't shouted at one of them for something (usually over nothing).
Is there anything wrong with me?