Rebecca Lynne
New member
I have een recently struggling with urges to take pills. Not to really die, but to say i anted to die. and just end up in the hospital and get the nurses sympathy and attention like i did when i really attempted suicide.
I feel like im a little kid again, attempting to break or breaking bones in order to get the teachers attention and sympathy.
I remember in the hospital when i kept fainting due to my eating disorder, when i woke up and all the nurses will be surrounding me. I realized i loved that attention.
Im beggining to love being sick. If that makes since at all. I mean my depression and eating disorder did not start off as attention seeking ( i think) but now it seems like the only reason i still "Suffer" is because i want the attention.
And i like my scars from cutting (self harm) but yet i hate them. they can give me attention from the people that i want it from (yet i dont want to let people know how screwed up i am)
I feel like i am so sick. I mean how could i want to hurt myself in order for peoples attention. But i cant help it. And this all feels recently new (the i want attention thing) besides when i was a kid.
I am 19 years old now. I see my therapist tomorrow. ANd i created bruises on my arm to get sympaty from her (i guess to act like i was hit by someone else). ANd i see a pyschiatrist on wednesday. I am on depression meds.
SHould i tell them what i told you guys?
Will they think i am sick?
Whats wrong with me... is this a mental illness?
Im willing o hurt myself in any way to get the attention and sympathy. I dont think thats right.
Thanks... if you answered =]
No im listening to them. MOst of the time.
I feel like im a little kid again, attempting to break or breaking bones in order to get the teachers attention and sympathy.
I remember in the hospital when i kept fainting due to my eating disorder, when i woke up and all the nurses will be surrounding me. I realized i loved that attention.
Im beggining to love being sick. If that makes since at all. I mean my depression and eating disorder did not start off as attention seeking ( i think) but now it seems like the only reason i still "Suffer" is because i want the attention.
And i like my scars from cutting (self harm) but yet i hate them. they can give me attention from the people that i want it from (yet i dont want to let people know how screwed up i am)
I feel like i am so sick. I mean how could i want to hurt myself in order for peoples attention. But i cant help it. And this all feels recently new (the i want attention thing) besides when i was a kid.
I am 19 years old now. I see my therapist tomorrow. ANd i created bruises on my arm to get sympaty from her (i guess to act like i was hit by someone else). ANd i see a pyschiatrist on wednesday. I am on depression meds.
SHould i tell them what i told you guys?
Will they think i am sick?
Whats wrong with me... is this a mental illness?
Im willing o hurt myself in any way to get the attention and sympathy. I dont think thats right.
Thanks... if you answered =]
No im listening to them. MOst of the time.