am I doing the right thing?

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mommashon

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:confused:My husband is an alcoholic. we have been married 7 yrs now. 4 yrs ago, he walked in drunk and stoned and quit his job. one year later he told me he was retired and not working anymore. for 4 years, I have watched him drink himself to death. 1 cup of coffee in the morning and then his first drink of bourbon. his sisters blame me. I never know what he tells people because he can never tell anything straight. I found myself drinking when I was around him. finally after not saying anything to his hateful remarks to me, I fianlly snapped and told him everything I thought and had been holding in over the previous 2 years. we are rather isolated where we live, but now I know I have let him do that. for 4 years I have supported and paid for everything to keep us going. his father died in june and now he has come into an inheritance. he decided he wanted to live in his fathers house. in june i had confronted him about his alcoholism and he went beserk on me. he said I was trying to commit him and my son and I was plotting against him. his sister believes the same. now he has given his ultimatum to me. to move down to his fathers house I must "do as I am told, keep my mouth shut, be nice and smile. his behavior has been witnessed by some of our frienRAB. monday I went to see a lawyer. I am filing for divorce because I can no longer take the emotional threats or emotional abuse. yet I feel quilty. and very afraid. the laws of divorce in kentucky are very strange. I am afraid of him and his family. my son tells I have nothing to be afraid of. unfortunatly I am alone here and its hard when you have been isolated from your family and frienRAB and find yourself with no one to talk to. I keep telling myself I have done the right thing
 
Hello and Welcome,

I feel so sad for you. I never like it when someone feels so alone when they are going thru such a hard time. It sounRAB like you have a great son and I am thankful for that.

If you ask me.... Yes, you are doing the right thing. You have tried and tried to be there to support him, to get him help and he is trying to control you into being the little mrs. NOT OKAY. No one deserves any form of abuse. If he refuses to get help and treats you like crap then in my opinion you have put your time in and deserve now to try and go find happiness... That may be alone, it may not.... but happiness is out there just waiting for you.

You will be in my prayers!
 
Hey Mommashon. I am a 42 year old woman in Australia. I have Bipolar Disorder and Panic and Anxiety Disorders as well as being a 10 years sober meraber of AA. I am also the child of an alcoholic father who drank himself to death and also of a Stepfather who was also a violent , abusive, neglectful alcoholic.

I think that no matter whether you leave your husband and start a new life (which sounRAB great), or stay with him, Alanon, the sister-Fellowship to AA could be so wonderful for you. Even while I was still drinking, I told my Mum about Alanon and she did go there. She did the work they suggested on herself and she totally changed. She found self esteem, she learnt about boundaries and how to apply them. She left my Stepfather but was able to maintain a frienRABhip with him with strong boundaries. I got to AA further along and she died two years ago but she and I built, for the first time in our lives a decent mother and daughter relationship.

This type of change - profound change is on offer for you. You can't change the behaviour of anyone else - be it your husband or anyone else, especially in a family where there is a very sick dynamic. But you can change yourself.

Wendy
 
Hi Momma

I think Wendy has given some terrific advice here. I hope you follow up on it. Accepting emotional threats and emotional abuse from an alcoholic is so not healthy for your own well-being. Living like that for years can do damage to the ability to remeraber that you are a worthwhile human being. Help is needed to regain your perspective of yourself. Get out, get help. You are so worth it.

Best wished for a great outcome
reach
 
I think you are ABSOLUTELY without a doubt doing the right thing!
stay strong.....you deserve so much better.
 
good girl!!!!! way to take care of yourself, and be the best mom you can be. your going to feel bad about this no matter what, dont let that stop you. breath and just push on through. ALANON will support-you and you will meat many people who are going through what you are going through and much much worse.
keep on going!
 
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