you have taken your first step to getting help talking about it and knowing its wrong. Honey it seems to me you are an alcoholic. Even if you don't drink everyday, when you do, your drinking to point of a blackout. i'm 38 and stopped drinking 10 yrs. ago. i was also the same, drinking till i blacked out, fighting and doing things i would not normaly do if i was sober. You need counseling, AA, and lots of support from freinRAB and family and stay away from alcohol. you can do it. i'm living proof. good luck and if you need someone to talk for support look me up.