afraid of what may be wrong

B

Bill S

New member
Hey everyone.

Today I'm celebrating my 21st birthday. I'm not really celebrating, I guess I can count on my friends to do that .. later tonight.
Right now I'm alone. Sometimes I get scared that I will never be able to love someone again. Sometimes I think that my dreams are slipping away from me. I think about myself, the changes that are more apparent everyday. I have small bruises all over my stomach. I think I might have AIDS. I got tested this summer and it said I was Negative. At first I didnt believe it.. I used to hustle back when I was 18 , and never really tought about it. Now, I'm living everyday In total confusion. I'm scared to take another test, I'm scared to find out that I might really have AIDS. well .. 21 good and bad years behind me. Now I go to college and next year, I'm supposed to be in university. I have alot of friends and loving people surrounding me. But it's hard to see them everyday and I feel like I am hiding from them. I never talked about it to anyone. well my best friend knows that I took a test but I never told her the whole thing .. 21 bad and good years behind me..

Sometimes I wish I could just take it all back and try to do the right things

But If I was living my life wishing I did something else instead, I think that I would not be here anymore.. regret is something that I dont really like.

I dont know why I wrote this, I dont know who's going to see this

The only thing I know is , today I'm 21. I dont really want to go out tonight.

I wish I had a special someone , just like me

who would tell me that everything is going to be okay ..
 
Happy Birthday
you have to try to stop worrying about everything. I know-easy for me to say. You're feeling down about a lot of things but hopefully you'll snap out of it.
Have another test if you think that will make you feel better. Don't let this consume all your energy.
You have your whole life ahead of you-21!!! Lucky you.
Concentrate on what is positive in your life. You will find someone when you least expect it.
Try to meditate on "Being Here Now"
 
There are many other illnesses that can cause the symptoms you are having. It would be truly ironic to die of, for example, leukemia, because you wouldn't go for a checkup because you were dreading that you had Aids. Go and get checked out. Happy birthday! Sera.
 
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