Adderall. what am I going to do with my self?

[Bear]

hi. just to let you know I am not on my adderall right now so if I dont make sence or spell somthing wrong or have bad gramer, that is why. here are some things I've been deeling with all of my life. daydreaming.. spacing out in the midle of conversations. forgeting things. bad grades. feeling like there is a brick wall in front of me. being verry calm...a lot of people think I do pot because of how calm I am by the way. people telling me im too slow. people telling me what I should be. that there is something wrong with me. Well about 6 or so months ago I was prescribed adderall and it changed my life. I could think clearly, my spelling was perfect, I was outgoing and talkative, I also got a job as a pharmacy technisian. everything in my life was looking up exept.. one problem. I hated taking it. I loved it when I was on it. I hated it when I was off it. I didn't like to think that there was something wrong with me. I didn't like that I had to change my self just so that I could fit in. so I stoped taking it. fast forword 3 weeks. I lost my job as a pharmacy technisian. I am now a janitor at the same place I was a pharmacy technisian. I can't pay my bills. I'm in debt. my life feels wors than before I started adderall. I hate adderall so much. I hate that I'm considering going back on it just so that I can be "normal". is there anyone that knows what I am talking about?