C
Chloe E
Guest
I loved it. Very descriptive. Caught my eye. Would be a page turner. Keep it up, kid
X
xColourxMexPrettyx
Guest
Kay so I'm writing a novel [hoping to get it published when I'm done] and i wanted your opinion on my story. But the thing is, i don't want to give my story out to the world [some people can't be trusted *shifty eyes* ]
anyway . here's a part of my novel so far, and it doesn't give much information about the story .
Tell me what you think of it.. and your theory as to what this girl is? cause she's not human. i'm sure it's easy to figure out loll.
The night engulfed me as I looked out into the distance. I stood on the high cliff looking down at the city and its flashing lights. Everything glittered on the tall buildings engraved with thick glass, some more translucent than others. Still remaining in the same spot, I peered over and over through the never ending windows. I could make out minor details that went unnoticed to the surrounding people- the ants, in my eyes. A black haired boy scowled behind his mothers back as she dragged him by his shirt collar. A beggar in ragged clothes whimpered as a man passing in a long black coat sneered at him and denied him money, but a smile etched across his old face when the little girl following the man dropped a few coins into his stained and battered tin can. The clunks of the coins hitting the bottom of his tin can echoed up to me and I could hear it clearly, standing miles above from where he sat on the street curb. But this wasn’t what I was looking for, not what I desired at this very moment, and so I continued to search, my attention remained focused, drifting off to the unimportant details from time to time. The darkness didn’t impact my new eyesight and this irritated me. It wasn’t normal for me -for any human- to be able to see in pitch black darkness. Why hadn’t this unnatural eyesight come to me before when I needed it, when my eyes were most deceiving?
I let my eyes wander and my mind drift as if I could find what I was looking for with just that- and, now, I could. My eyelids dropped in a gentle sort of way, similar to the snowflakes around me, and I saw what I was looking for. I observed and took in every detail of everything my eyes rested upon in my mind. There was a large glass window taking up an entire wall on one side of the room. There were shadows cast from large poles and sculptures from around the room. I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness and at first I couldn’t see the elegant bodies, watching intently from where they hid. I didn’t notice them until a pair of eyes suddenly shot open revealing a crimson red lined with black that looked like ink swirling within water. I watched as a mouth parted and moved quickly, speaking fast. Whatever the mouth was saying so hastily I could not hear but in mere seconds there were four pairs of eyes looking up at.. Me?
ps. not edited . and im only 13..
so it's not that good .
please don't steal my ideas..
thanks for your help!
<3
anyway . here's a part of my novel so far, and it doesn't give much information about the story .
Tell me what you think of it.. and your theory as to what this girl is? cause she's not human. i'm sure it's easy to figure out loll.
The night engulfed me as I looked out into the distance. I stood on the high cliff looking down at the city and its flashing lights. Everything glittered on the tall buildings engraved with thick glass, some more translucent than others. Still remaining in the same spot, I peered over and over through the never ending windows. I could make out minor details that went unnoticed to the surrounding people- the ants, in my eyes. A black haired boy scowled behind his mothers back as she dragged him by his shirt collar. A beggar in ragged clothes whimpered as a man passing in a long black coat sneered at him and denied him money, but a smile etched across his old face when the little girl following the man dropped a few coins into his stained and battered tin can. The clunks of the coins hitting the bottom of his tin can echoed up to me and I could hear it clearly, standing miles above from where he sat on the street curb. But this wasn’t what I was looking for, not what I desired at this very moment, and so I continued to search, my attention remained focused, drifting off to the unimportant details from time to time. The darkness didn’t impact my new eyesight and this irritated me. It wasn’t normal for me -for any human- to be able to see in pitch black darkness. Why hadn’t this unnatural eyesight come to me before when I needed it, when my eyes were most deceiving?
I let my eyes wander and my mind drift as if I could find what I was looking for with just that- and, now, I could. My eyelids dropped in a gentle sort of way, similar to the snowflakes around me, and I saw what I was looking for. I observed and took in every detail of everything my eyes rested upon in my mind. There was a large glass window taking up an entire wall on one side of the room. There were shadows cast from large poles and sculptures from around the room. I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness and at first I couldn’t see the elegant bodies, watching intently from where they hid. I didn’t notice them until a pair of eyes suddenly shot open revealing a crimson red lined with black that looked like ink swirling within water. I watched as a mouth parted and moved quickly, speaking fast. Whatever the mouth was saying so hastily I could not hear but in mere seconds there were four pairs of eyes looking up at.. Me?
ps. not edited . and im only 13..
so it's not that good .
please don't steal my ideas..
thanks for your help!
<3