A familiar, yet totally shitty feeling...

R

rcg.

New member
It's been a while since I felt so alone. I used to talk to my best friend, but he doesn't seem to listen anymore. I have friends, but they're all into their own problems to really listen to mine. You know LISTEN, not just wait and say "Wow that sucks... anyways..." like most people do. My wife and I have been having a good run for months now, but since a lot of what I need to talk about it our daughter, for some weird reason, that subject is off the table unless I want to go back into the fighting with my wife hell of the past. It's one of the reasons our daughter isn't better than she could be.

So in the last week I've had some strained relationships with my friends (not all of them, just the longest running) and my daughter, and I just don't feel like I'm getting to vent enough to keep on an even keel. I'm glad WTF has been here for me to vent on, and I've talked with some of my other friends, but for many many years I thought I had the ultimate support system. I could talk to my wife about nearly everything, and my best friend was there for the rest. Perfect circle. Sadly it doesn't seem to work that way anymore, and I'm realizing how much I needed it.

I'm fucked up over how for the last 14+ years I've supported every decision my best friend made, right or wrong, through thick and thin, and even risked my life. I've always backed him, but he sometimes doesn't back me, and lately it's been more and more. I feel for that loss. I guess best friend is the wrong word to use. Used to be best friend is more like it.

I'm just fucking depressed, and for the first time ever, I'm dreading going to my weekly D&D game night. It seems the mood is turning sour, and there's not a hell of a lot I can do about it.

I do have friends, though none of them as close as the ones currently treating me strangely. Guess I'll have to be more "out with the old, and in with the new". It's stupid how life changes some people for the worse, yet they think it's for the best, and no amount of talking helps.

So whatever, I'm gonna do fine, I'm gonna smile and laugh and enjoy my life. I just need time to adjust, and I hope I get some soon.
 
Obviously I don't know much of anything about the dynamic that exists between you and your best friend but all I know is that all relationships have their ups and downs as the parties involved go through the shit they have to deal with. I'm not suggesting that you power through to hold on to a friendship that might have run its course but good friends, as you know, are hard to find.

Good friendships also endure hard times and perhaps your friend is dealing with his own shit at the moment and just doesn't have the capacity to reciprocate on the level that you need. Relationships are forever evolving and at any given moment it's difficult to imagine how they will change next as it is impossible to know at any given moment what is going on with the other person.

Often, when I'm feeling that people in my life are not treating me as I would like them to, when I stop and think about it, I find that I am not treating them as well as I could and when I change my attitude towards them they respond with even greater kindness.

Not to say that this is the case in your situation, for as I said, I know very little about it. These are just the thoughts off the top of my head as I sit here feeling rather alone myself.
 
Wow, that sucks.... anyways...

Sorry, just kidding. I wouldn't write your old friends off, especially your best friend. You said they are all going through shit of their own right now, maybe if you could listen to them about their problems they would be more likely to listen to yours. That is if you haven't tried that already. Also try to work on those new friendships to make them stronger.

Unfortunately some people come in and out of your life. Not necessarily anyone's fault, people just change.

So there is no way for you to be able to talk to your wife about your daughter? I know this is the generic answer, but what about talking about it with a counselor/therepist together?

I don't think I've been much help, but bottom line is I feel for you and hope things get better soon.
 
I feel your pain! Just to show you, I'll do a quick summary...

my (maybe ex) best friend has done the following, and I've stuck by her...

Fucked a stranger in my bed, while I slept on the couch, and my darling husband tried to sleep through it on the floor.

Gotten pregnant from said stranger, and got an abortion while I helped her through the emotionial fallout.

Gotten too drunk to maintain herself at nearly every party/social gathering we've been to together, and I've driven her ass home the next morning and bought her coffee.

Used a mutual friend for his best qualities, with full knowledge that he wanted to be more than friends, and continues to let him buy her stuff and help her out, even though she knows she's using him.

Tried to get into my pants whenever she drank. Tried to do my husband when she drank, hell with the exception of the guy she's using, she's tried to fuck everybody when she's been drunk.


I can't afford to go to her friends fiance's bachlorette party that she planned, and I get the fucking cold shoulder...

I know how friends can let you down... which is why lately, besides my husband, I'm choosing to stand alone. It's a tough decision, and it's hard to stick to it, but it keeps me from getting trampled on.
 
Fourteen years of douchbaggery from your alleged amigo?
Drop the fucker like a bad habit.

You and I share the boat on that particular issue. I've known my "best friend" for about eight years, and I haven't really considered him a friend at all for the past three. We met in fourth grade, and were tighter than 88 virgin twats combined for many years thereafter. I spent more time at his house growing up than I did at my own, and we stayed pretty much inseparable right up until we hit high school. Then he got himself laid and became a complete shithead.

We're both 17 now, and he's been an unbearable asshole ever since he boned this chick three years ago. Given our age I know I should expect this kind of thing from a high school relationship, but I know he's just naive enough to perpetuate it, which means he'll continue to be a pussywhipped dick indefinitely and I'm out a buddy.

Point is, I'm 17, standing on the precipice of maturity, responsibility, and voting rights, and I've realized theres no sense in fighting for a lost cause. People will come and go, dude. And when you meet somebody who honestly likes you and appreciates your friendship, you'll know it. :D
Stick with those folks, and you're gravy. Weed out the assholes when you find them or they find you. Do what makes you happy, and surround yourself with people who make you happy. Only then will you be a true Jedi.

Oh, and keep playing D&D. If that dick friend of yours plays too, bribe whoever is dungeon master this week with a case of Bud or something for his position, then drop a 20-story transsexual ogre with god mode or some shit on the asshole's head. If he disapproves, systematically feed him playing pieces until he shuts up.
Sweet, sweet retribution.

Heres a little incentive for you:
Be Aggressive.

Take it easy, amigo.
 
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