A Bitter Choice

M

Mr. Dyer

New member
What is this subtle folly resonating in my shadow,
Creeping into this frameless picture of one so hollow?
What is this frequent image breaking my concentration?
-My thoughts- taking its place into my droll imagination?
What is this vagrant entity of forces unknown,
Breaking every law not yet set in stone?

It's the shackles for the fighter's cause,
Between the beating of a heart - - - its the pause.
It's the wish of a thousand wishing-wells,
The sound of a chapels merry bells.
It's the reason for every mans desire,
The right of justification when one must conspire.

Now that I have a name for this mysterious encounter,
It is time to choose now, for the sake of the eye's wonder.
Dreaming dreams of complication and desire,
A choice to envelop or put out this fire.
Seeking this entity that is no more,
Is this how I'll choose to complete the vision?

A vision of remorse and regret,
Or a vision of warmth after a winter's bitter call.
After all, it is my tears that are at stake.
Nightmare after nightmare I must awake to escape.
RUN RUN RUN always DOWN DOWN DOWN
THUMP THUMP THUMP seems to be the only sound.

Now empty this cup my tears have filled to the brink.
Start over anew - Start over anew.
Will it be you? You I should pursue?
The subtle glances and smiles a hint or a clue?
Overgrown memories bound to be repeated;
A past that's come back, never to be completed.

I RUN AWAY I RUN AWAY I RUN AWAY I RUN AWAY.

My heart is damp from dipping into this lake,
Testing its temperature for the minRAB sake,
Then stretching its capabilities to find the edge,
The edge of reason ~ reasoning not to enter the untested.
A blanket of mistreatment has shadowed my inner movements
And taken control over my most obvious impairment.

Sensitivity , Sensitivity
WON'T YOU CAST ME OFF INTO BREVITY?

An epic tingle up the spine of my abstract feelings you've become.
Becoming shallower & shallower each estranged new day.
What will become of these ClouRAB I'm dismissing?
Can't some wounded refuge find shapes in their folly?
For the Glass was meant to be broken by a force in distress,
Why else would Gentleness want to make such a mess?

T I C K T O C K ~~~~~~ I choose not to choose

There is still LOVE in me. For the idea's claim,
But reaching, likewise, a like minded name.
A quiet disregard from the natural rules implied
Into a Truth we have all come to learn then hide.
Suspended solemnly upon a credence such as mine,
I still HATE this truth I've come to find.

Should I choose, therefore, to risk my own serenity [sanity]
And pursue a chance of you in locked eyes with me?
A simple suggestion of smiles to swathe sadness,
Or accept this maddening rush into a room of loneliness.
A Choice, A Choice, a most bitter choice,
To coordinate the beating of a heart with voice.

I choose. I choose I choose.. YOU?
 
Another old one. I wrote this one in the fall of '05. I was still in that kind of high school mind state, but also trying to branch out when I wrote this. Also, there were a couple of different girls I showed it to back then and it made them cry, so that was kind of an ego boost to my immaturity. It's kind of obvious why they cried when they read it looking back on it now. One had an emotional attachment to it (she knew I wrote it about her) and the other read it like right after we had sex so she was all in her emotional state of mind and shit.

Personally, I still really like the last stanza, but the rest isn't all that special. I really can't believe it's been 6 years since I wrote this. I'm also really glad I've gotten better haha
 
Your voice is very well heard here....as in you, uniquely.

I like how you incorporate two different voices. The rhyme scheme gets lost quickly, mebbe change it up a bit or go back to it. Its a great point made especially in the first half. I kind of started to wander off in the middle, but that might be due to my small attention span.

I likey I likey, your getting more open about expressing longer works that seem to be doing you a lot of good (as in a therapeutic way, which is why I write)

My only advice is to EDIt the heck out of it. To make the message ring more clear and to better grab the reader's attention. I love the style and direction of this though.
 
super awesome critique, thanks. You are spot on about sharing some of my more personal stuff. I usually just write for therapeutic reasons as well, so most of my really personal stuff isn't all that great because I write it with me being the only audience in mind at the time.
 
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