97 Buick Skylark engine turns but dies a few seconds later?

ThinkPink

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My engine has been slow to turn for a few weeks now, but I thought it was due to the cold weather. Today, the engine started but then immediately died out. Then I completely killed my battery because of trying for so long to get it to work. I jumped my battery and the car started. I bought a new battery (it was at least 5 years old) and then once the new battery was in, my after market alarm system started going crazy, and my "Theft System" light is on in my car and will not turn off. I got the car to start one time after about an hour. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can't figure out what the problem is. And I have plenty of gas, so its not that. I also keep up on oil changes and all that.
I have never washed my engine. As far as water damage goes, I got the car 3 years ago so from my use I have not had any water damage...but before that, it's a mystery to me. I always had a problem with my starter but I got that fixed a few months ago and haven't had problems until now with starting the car.
 
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