9/11 poem,.. just comment..?

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Fake D

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bombs explode floor by floor
the people that were screaming
are and never will be anymore
as we think we're dreaming

we are only plagued by corporations
and the crimes they have been scheming
in debt and constant desperation
they throw veils so it is now seeming

as though they had no part in hand
when their dollars fund the thermite
but to them there is no reprimand
instead they start a false fight

innocent people were wasted
bloody hands dipped in oil wells
and on terrorism they based it
as we die, their wallet swells

screaming in fear looking down
from what was once my work place
torn to pieces burning to the ground
my hands burnt along with my face

i don't want to die here i cried
as i over look the edge of life
and fling myself to the outside
thinking about my family, my wife.

--

oh my god i scream as i look up
as a plane strikes the second one
these explosions and flames erupt
as people everywhere start to run

i take a step forward towards hell
but a broken body lands in my way
i gasp and look towards where he fell
only to see almost an exact replay

my team and i rush through the door
everything's set ablaze as people flee
rushing past, people pushed to the floor
trying to get everyone out that we see

as we hear boom boom boom from above
along with screams and cries aloud
as frantic people push and shove
running from the black smoke cloud

the buildings collapse inward from
explosions placed by our nation
these select few caused what had come
out of their sinful greedy desperation

the murdered the hundreds and blamed
bin laden, al-qaeda and ghosts
as they were the people who had maimed
while bush and the rest make toasts

to our pain and debt
it's a real true lie
we're stuck and set
in debt till we die

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Zeitgeist= http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912
 
I agree with your message. The story seems to have been assumed unshakeable, but when you look a little closer there are holes straight through it.

I can't really judge your poetry, though, i'm sorry to say - i'm no good at it.
 
It covers a lot of ground, as seen from many perspectives, I like it. Very thought provoking.
 
you have two things going on - the victim and the rescue - you speak in 1st person to both.

i think it would meld better if you spoke as the observer in the first part and as the rescue team in the 2nd part.

it is a very good analysis - and i could feel how badly you wanted to map this out - it is a part of history that needs telling and you told it well.

you told this story in poem - it is just as powerful as any book that has been or will be printed. just decide in which 1/2 you are first person - i almost think it would be better to rein it in on the plot versus the experience - just my opinion.
 
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