6 months clean. Sudden cravings

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howcouldiknow

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You all know my addiction to tramadol and how I'm tapering off of it slowly. It's a struggle and lowering the dose is always a feat everytime.

Well, I used to be addicted to marijuana, too. I didn't smoke all day everyday. In fact, I smoked only in evenings and at night. I was introduced to marijuana when I was 16. No - it wasn't the first drug I tried. How they say it's the gateway drug is very untrue. Curiosity is the gateway drug.

Anyway, soon after discovering my girlfriend is pregnant, I smoked less and then finally quit cold-turkey on January 20th. My main influence was my coming child and my dad said he could get me on in the mines, and they do not play around! They drug test for everything! There was no withdrawal so it was farely easy and just required a little will power. I didn't sleep as well for about a week or two, but it was a breeze. I haven't touched any since January 20th. And haven't wanted to. I took the 40 hour class and had to pass a drug test to take the state exam to recieve my mining card. You have no idea how proud I was of myself to pass a drug test.

However, the past week or so I've been getting cravings to smoke again. And I know I shouldn't. I definantly shouldn't. I have another drug-test coming up before I get hired for sure.

I do not enjoy marijuana as much as I do tramadol, trust me. Marijuana kind of slowed me down, but not in a way a benzo does. The marijuana was actually euphoric. I have a few close frienRAB who smoke and I hung out with them the other day. They offered me to smoke with them, but I refused and they didn't pressure me at all. True frienRAB. I enjoyed myself with them, even though I was was sober and they were high. I am very happy to say they didn't try to pressure me into smoking again. I wanted to, trust me. They even asked if I cared that they smoke in front of me. I said "no, go ahead". So it all went well.

Today... cravings hit me out of the blue. It would be so nice to go out on the deck outside and roll a joint and smoke. I don't think it is related to hanging out with them the other day and watching them smoke and smelling it. It probably has a lot to do with stress. The baby is due next month, my girlfriend is uncomfortable, I haven't been hired in the mines yet...should be next week sometime when they come back from vacation. So I'm jobless while she's working at McDonald's everyday. I can't wait to get on at the mines...but the stress of waiting and looking for a house is getting me down. Ironically, if I smoked, I could lose my chance with getting this very good job and a house.

How can you deal with cravings?
Keep yourself busy, I know. Anything else?
Just wanted to vent.
 
howcouldiknow, I think venting is also one of the ways to deal with cravings. If I have cravings and keep those thoughts inside, trying to deal with them by myself, they always get bigger. I come on here and vent, as this is my main support group.

I'd like to ask you one thing, and I hope it doesn't sound critical, because it's not meant that way. I'm sure you have good frienRAB, but do they know you're trying to get off the tram and do they know that you don't want to smoke again because of the upcoming drug test and your baby coming? I know they asked if it was ok to smoke in front of you, and you said "ok", but if I was in your position, that would be a trigger to me (I never was much of a smoker, but when I was out of vics or norco, I would have taken weed rather than nothing).

You said "I don't think it is related to hanging out with them the other day and watching them smoke and smelling it. It probably has a lot to do with stress." I'll agree with you about stress, that can ALWAYS be a bad trigger, but it almost sounRAB to me like you might be answering some of your own question. Just a thought.

I just posted a thread about cravings around an anniversary (I'm coming up on one year), and I'll pass on some wisdom from brianpain...he feels anniversaries can be triggers in themselves, and after thinking about it, so do I. You haven't smoked in 6 months - that's an important anniversary.

Between stress (the job, the baby, etc.), an important anniversary, and exposure to something that used to be pleasurable for you but that you can't do anymore....well...

Btw, I loved what you said about "curiosity being the gateway". I wish I would have been smart enough to figure that out when I was your age, but you've just taught it to me today - THANK YOU!

Take care, vent, keep busy, maybe don't expose yourself to temptation (?)....but don't take the chance of losing that job and disappointing yourself over this, because you're doing so many positive things now, with more coming in the future (btw, early congrats on your baby!).

Hugs and good thoughts,

rose
 
Wow!!! Congrats on the impending baby!!! How exciting!!! Good luck also on getting hired on at the mines! PLEASE whatever you do... do not smoke pot! It will screw up the whole job situation and it is your responsibility when you bring a child into this world that you support it and i mean that out of the most respect.

Cravings.... that is something I understand 100% about. I get them every day of my life..... Some are really bad.... some are easier to push away but regardless they suck rocks! I distract myself as best as I can.. Sometimes I sleep....I play a board game with my hubby.... Excersise is a good one.. the endorphans released during excersise fight the cravings ones.... Focus on your goals and that no matter how bad they get that you will do anything to attain the goals!

You can do this.. VENTING helps a lot at least for me.. As we are speaking I am having such a strong craving it feels like my arms are starting to tingle but I know that is from the anxiety i get from the cravings... It's not fun.. I just come on here and read, write.. sulk.. whatever..... it will pass.

Hang in there!
Hugs
 
Take a look at my reply to Irish Rose, it is currently 7 posts down from your post or copy and paste this link:

http://www.healtrabroadoarRAB.com/boarRAB/showthread.php?t=702702

Read it and reread it.

You said that you don't think that the cravings have anything to do with being around your friend the other day. I think that is completely UNTRUE. It had everything to do with being around them. You are on very shaky ground right now and need to be hanging out with people that are not using drugs at all. In NA they tell people that you need to avoid PEOPLE, PLACES, and THINGS associated with using. You can not be around old people that you use to hang around with because they WILL PULL YOU BACK IN THE WATER.

Just think that you are in the LIFE RAFT right now with trying to get clean and sober. Your frienRAB are in the COLD, FREEZING WATER and are saying "oh, it's not that bad out here" "come on in the water is great". However, once you jump in the water, the life raft will get further and further away very quickly and it is VERY DIFFICULT to get back to the life raft and get yourself back in. YOUR DISEASE WANTS 2 THINGS: 1. TO SEE YOU SUFFER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE 2. TO KILL YOU.

It will lie to you and try to trick you into thinking that using is OK and not that bad. Please don't listen to those thought or focus on them. The cravings are just thoughts and the thoughts CAN NOT GET YOU TO USE. You have a choice today whether to use or not.

I used to smoke crack-cocaine and I get cravings quite abit although not as bad as I used to. However, yesterday I was feeling depressed, lonely, and my chronic pain was very bad. I wanted to use very badly and I was having cravings. I could taste it in my mouth. But, I did not give into the cravings because I don't want to DIE.

Of course you are not feeling the best since you are tapering down and your disease will try to trick you into "feeling good" when you are not feeling very well. Whenver I am sick, it feels just like it did when I was in withdrawal and my disease really attacks me at that point. It is good that you came on here and TOLD ON YOUR DISEASE. Our secrets will keep us sick and eventually cause us to use.

Have you looked into any meetings in your area either AA or NA. I think it would do you alot of good to be around clean and sober people and develop NEW FRIENRAB that have your best interest in mind. Your disease will say "oh you don't need those stupid meetings" or "what will those people think of me" etc. JUST GO because the same people that used to be drug addicts are the same people that are in the meetings. Try it just once and see what you think ok?

brian:wave:

p.s. I don't know if you have heard this saying but when you are having cravings it is usually due to 1 of the 4 things (HALT MESSAGE)

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Whenver you are having cravings, ask your self if you are having any of these 4 things. If you are having all 4 then you are really in trouble and need to due one of the following: eat something, drink something, take a nap(sleep), talk to somebody, etc
 
Hello again,

I was just checking in to see how you are doing! Are you hanging in there?

Give us an update when you can!!!! Stay strong, I know you can do it!

:)
 
Yeah. The cravings passed.

Maybe they were from seeing my friend's smoke, although I didn't feel any craving at the time. Not all of my frienRAB smoke, just this particular circle, but it's so hard not to hang out with them. I love them. I connect with each one other than marijuana, even back when I smoked. I enjoyed their company even though I couldn't smoke the other day. I do miss sharing high experiences with them, though.

Yes, they know I am tapering off of the tramadol and they know about my dependency on them. They just don't understand, though. Because they don't do pills at all! They just smoke. They are pretty responsible people for smoking weed. Trust me on that. I'm sure if I asked them not to light up in front of me, or do it before I arrive, they would have no problem with it. I'll try that next time.
 
Brian, your post was so well written; I agree with you on every point. Howcouldiknow, I'm so proud of you (and you should be very proud of yourself) that you rode the cravings out and didn't smoke.

You said....



I know you love your frienRAB, and I know you have other things in common with them besides smoking, but I also agree with Brian's explanation of PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS. There were some people in my life who triggered me because we had using in common, and it took me a while, but I had to give them up. Even being on the suboxone, when I talked to them, even on the phone, I knew they were floating on some kind of pain pill, and it made me feel bad that I couldn't do that anymore. In other worRAB, I felt sorry for myself....but then I realized there was nothing to feel sorry about (except what they were still doing to themselves) but that I couldn't expose myself to those feelings any more. After a period of time, those frienRABhips ended, and I think part of the reason they ended was because I was clean of the pain pills and I wasn't like them any more.

I'm think your frienRAB would avoid smoking before and during the times you're around, but will just being around them set you off? You know how much you have to lose, and if a big part of your frienRABhip revolved around getting high...that's not a good position to put yourself in. How does your girlfriend feel about those frienRAB (if that's not too nosey?).

Definitely read Brian's answer to me in that thread I started, and really read what he wrote to you here. All good info, and he's as honest as the day is long.

So what's up with you lately? How are you doing, how is your mood, how's everything? Keep in touch.

rose
 
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