3 year old whine/cries/ about anything.?

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mike s

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where do i start... I have read a few posts here from people who say their kid cries. But I'm not finding anything that matches quite what I am going through, So i figured I would just ask :)

my daughter, 3 and a half, freaking cries over EVERYTHING. here is the latest example which prompted me to come ask here. She is in her room, I hear something bang (she dropped her little play keyboard on the floor, and i guess it hit her foot too) she comes our of her room WAILING, i say "whats wrong??" I get a blank stare and more whining. I say "whats wrong? what happened", more of the same, totally just staring at me, and whining like her arms are being ripped off (she was not hurt.. this is what she does) I say "show me what happened". still nothing. finally mom tells her to come here, she comes, we finally get her to say she dropped her keyboard, then mom asks, "why didn't you answer your dad?" she responds "i don't know". this is her standard response to pretty much every question we ask her. I know shes not dumb, she speaks very well for her age, she does tell stories a lot, and seems to not understand concepts some times, but usually shes fine.

She wont listen at all. one of our pet peeves , is her busting into our bedroom without asking. we tell her over and over "you need to ask before you come in" 5 min later she comes busting into the room without asking. I will say "did you ask before you came in?" she will drop her head, pout, and walk out, or she will bust into crying. Now.. i didn't tell her not to come in, i simply asked her if she asked (to remind her she needs to ask).

she is argumentative... I will be making dinner "what are you making?" and I will say "steak" and she will say "no your not". I say "yes.. this is steak, trust me". her, "no its not". me.. "stop arguing with me!" her.. she start balling. Then i send her to the corner for crying. we tell her constantly to stop crying over everything. (lol.. as I am typing this, she said she was hungry, mom said "you just had lunch an hour ago", she starts crying. and not throwing a fit, just crying like someone broke her heart. Anyway, mom sends her to the corner for crying, wich in turns causes more crying.)


HELP ME!!!!!!

I am to the point of putting my head in a blender, lol.

We are so frustrated with her, out method of time out for bad behavior doesn't seem to work. We don't want to start spanking, we don't want to yell and scream.. and we DON'T want her to just "get away with it"

what kind of reaction are we supposed to have over these ridiculously annoying behaviors of hers?
A few things to add-

We have a pretty new baby also, 6 months old. She is great with the baby, as far as helping out and she doesn't seem to be jealous.

Also-
My wife is the one who works outside the home and I stay home with the children all day, so I am most of the primary disciplinarian while she's at work.
 
welcome to the world of control issues, lol. she's learning to manipulate and control the ppl around her.

next time she doesn't answer, just shrug and say "well, i guess it's not that important" and walk away.

***critical point***: mom's gotta be in on this too. if she keeps swooping in to the rescue, it'll all backfire.

your daughter is probably jostling for position. it's common that the father is seen as a somewhat distant and remote figure because of time spent away from the home working while mom's the primary caregiver. this gives a lot of kids the idea that dad should be low man on the totem pole and is the reason why parents need to present a united front.

if you read your post, you'll see your daughter gets a LOT of attention because of her crying and whining. it's not the kind of attention any sane person would want but who ever accused toddlers of being sane? it's the principal of the soggy potato chip: given the choice between a potato chip that's been lying in the back seat of the car for a week and no chip at all, a kid will eat the soggy potato chip.

next time she does the whining, just shut her out. the instant she does something you want, lavish the praise on her. hugs, smiles, sweet words, the works.
 
I'm sorry...I can feel your frustration thru the computer. Whoever decided that the "twos" were terrible must have left home before the child turned three. I think they are much more difficult. The only things I can think of is to give her a choice. 1. you can cry or 2. You can "what ever mom and dad want." Not bribing or giving her candy. Like cry or sit and read a book. That way she is making the decision. Or tell her that she has to stay in her room until she stops crying, unless she is physically hurt. Sounds to me like she is a strong willed little girl which will serve her well in life but for now is causing her problems. My oldest son didn't cry but everything was a battle. Let's put your sweater on...no no no no, then a half hour later, lets take your sweater off.....no no no no. Same thing with a bath, sitting in the high chair, taking a nap, over and over.

Whatever you do, and I hope you get some good advice, don't put your head in the blender. Medical bills and the cost of a new blender are two more things that you don't need right now.

I wish you the best. =)
 
Firstly there is an adult and a 3 year old here. The adult needs to act like an adult and let the 3 year old act like a 3 year old. She wouldn't cry if you gave her attention for positive behaviour and ignored the bawling... Why send her to the corner for something you caused ??? Don't argue with a 3 year old that is ridiculous. If she doesn't think steak is steak, who cares if she calls it bumblebee, you're still cooking it and that hasn't changed. As for dropping something on her foot - have you dropped something on your foot lately ? It hurts heaps..... Kiss her little foot better and tell the naughty keyboard off for hurting her. Make her feel special and important. This almost borders on emotional neglect.
 
Welcome to parenthood. You thought the 2s were terrible. I hate to tell you, the 3s are eight times worse. The horrible, awful, whiny 3's. Seriously, the best way to stop whining is to ignore it. She's just looking for a reaction of any kind from you. Its incredibly obnoxious, but the more you react, the worse the whining will be next time. I'm pretty sure my middle daughter has been stuck in the horrible 3s since she was 2.5. Even at 4 years old, she's my whiny child.
 
Hmmm, no offense but I don't think your daughter is the problem here. You might need to lower your expectations a bit, and not expect logical answers to your questions. Just go with the flow, definately don't spank or yell just like you stated you wouldn't, I mean, she's acting her age. I don't know what else to tell you except that she's three and you seem to be expecting logical adult conversation from her.
 
Sorry to hear about your stress! Yikes! Kids are supposed to be such a joy and they can be, but sometimes...yeah, I get it! Does she like to read or watch videos? When we need to change a negative behaviour of our daughters we high tail it to the library and find a book that deals with the issue. This worked like a charm for potty training and getting rid of her pacifier. However, she LOVES books. If your toddler does not like to sit still for stories, try a video. Hope that helps. That's all I can think of! Meanwhile, hang in there!
 
hey, my 3 1/2 year old daughter is the same way. She is such a little drama queen. It doesn't bother me so much. She is just a little girl. Sending her to the corner for crying is probably never going to work. I don't think she is acting in any crazy way....just a girl way...just wait till she is 16. Get that blender going.....:) You saying that really made me laugh.
 
Why the hell are you arguing with a 3-year old about what something is? Conversation should go something like this.
"What are you making?"
"Steak."
"No, you're not."
"What do you think this is?"
"Banana pudding."
"Ok, you call it banana pudding and I'll call it steak."
 
you getting involved and arguing back is exactly what she wants...she'll stop behaving like that when she realizes that her actions are ultimately fruitless.

if she refuses to abide by your knock before enter ruel, lock your door until she falls asleep and don't respond when she screams.

she goes to her mother because she knows that her mother will give her what she wants: sympathy. it's crucial that you are both on the same page with this.
 
Your daughter sounds sensitive nothing wrong with that.don't take it all so seriously have a laugh and a joke with her turn her whining around into something fun.the first answer had it spot on.that is how you talk to a three year old.you are way too serious.so what she comes in your room without asking she wants to be near you not on her own.she won't have manners spot on yet give her time don't force it on her.i can not believe you send her to the corner for crying.why?just because you think she shouldn't be upset doesn't make her any less upset.you should NEVER punish a child for crying.you can't control someones emotions like that.she doesn't tell you what is wrong because she knows she will be dismissed or sent to the corner.instead of going on and on asking about what happened you should have straight away seen she was upset and hugged and soothed her it doesn't matter what the reason is if your three year old daughter is upset you offer comfort straight away.a parent is supposed to be unconditional.that means being there for her when she's upset no matter what.her behaviour is not ridiculous you are the ones making the mistake by not recognising her feelings making her feel unimportant and she's not happy in general by the sounds of it.she's only three try to remember that you don't argue with a three year old you enjoy time you spend with her.stop seeing her as annoying and start loving her and offer her comfort without conditions.once she knows she won't be punished for showing her feelings she'll calm but if you want her to use positive tones of voice you must do that yourself also.set her the example and give her the support and hugs she craves.
 
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