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K

Kool Aid

New member
I have just come to the realization that my entire personality...it's all a sham...

I am not the angry human being I have made myself out to be in the last four years or so...I don't hate everybody...or anybody...

I would never want anyone to kill themselves...I want only the best for people...

This is all I have built myself up to be for the last so many years and so many people have known me as only this human being, this hateful angry scornful thing...and I took pride in it like it was right and it would make everything right if I lashed back out at people in defense of all the times I'd been made fun of...I couldn't deal with everyone's constant remarks...it all built up inside...and it got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and I thought everyone thought this was what would make me acceptable...but I was no better off...

Everything you have known about me is a sham...it's all a lie and I'm sorry to everyone who I've ever yelled at on this board no matter how stupid the posts seemed or how much I thought addressing it would make me a better person...

People are not doomed to failure...everyone can be successful at something no matter who they are...

I just...
 
Sure, people are good in their heart. They just need some places & some times to throw away the bad feelings. Glad that you are better now ^^
 
Hey, I realized that about a year ago, too.
Actually, I went through a lot of shit back then, and the only thing left for me to do was think positive (for a change), and that way I realized that it was much more fun than being pessimistic all day ;)

Glad to have you back :D
 
Don't be so hard on yourself, Lamp. A lot of people do the same thing. No one likes feeling vulnerable, so it's completely understandable. What's most important is what you're going to do now that you've come to this realization. Take your time figuring that out, and try not to let other people's pissy attitudes get under your skin.

Good luck. :)
 
Fucking wow. Lampy sums up a huge portion of my life in a nutshell. Let me tell you something man, from personal experience. There are an unusually large contingient of intelligent people on this board, but in real life, 8 out of every 10 people that you see around you will deserve an automatic asskicking for their stupidity, and that statistic is my generosity at work. But do you know what's worse? This stupidity can make them very very unreasonable and cruel. The second you lower your defenses, they are all going to start giving you more shit again. The sad part? They never learn, and it will never stop because the fourth law of thermodynamics specifically states that intellect inherently attracts bullshit from retards. Fuck people.

Go to hell. All of you. :mfinger:
 
I went in a big circle today...I'm back to feeling depressed.

First thing I'm doing next time I see my therapist is telling him to put me on anti-depressants. I can't take this feeling shitty and not going anywhere feeling anymore. I am an idiot for caring about the problems of others.
 
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