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Imperium by Robert Harris
It's historical fiction about Cicero in Rome. It's not as boring as it sounds.
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You're a liar. No person with ADD could write a paragraph that long. It's impossible.
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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitz was gay, but they through him out right away when they saw how he wanted to redecorate the country.
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You should be more worried about getting chlamydia. But at least you've already got the penicillin.