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I would simply tell the woman her posterior looks fat and suggest she find clothes to fit over it, if such a size exists for her!

and give my maids a pay cut as I dont think they work hard enough to earn that second penny I've been paying them at all

I declare from this day on in my kingdom of Dorksville it is illegal for ugly people to smile! I find it highly offensive when an ugly commoner or hairy ogress resembling feminist smiles at me, it offends thine eyes!