im not a doctor, so i cant tell you what it is, but it sounds really serious
isnt there some clinic you can go to or something that doesnt require insurance?
but you should really try to get help
start wearing some eyeliner, maybe evern learn to do the smoky eye look
buy a leather bomber jacket, which are in style at the moment
maybe some knee high black leather boots
wear skinny jeans
you can look to taylor momsens new look for inspiration
hope i helped :]