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All I can think of is that a color word might have improved it, although I guess the word "gilded" implies there is a gold veneer on the lies, whatever those lies are.

Um, do you mean "how to make a good poem"? Start making a list of images that "world," "love," and "family" suggest to you. For example, "world" might include "Thick, green forests made of shadow, light, and deer hollows." "Love" might include, "the way a mother brushes a baby's hair lightly...

Um, do you mean "how to make a good poem"? Start making a list of images that "world," "love," and "family" suggest to you. For example, "world" might include "Thick, green forests made of shadow, light, and deer hollows." "Love" might include, "the way a mother brushes a baby's hair lightly...

It's not bad for your age. I think I like the lines "I felt as if I were an eagle, Flying without fear; As other birds looked on in awe" the best. That is probably because I like writing poetry about birds. I started thinking about a flock of pigeons who stopped strutting and pestering someone...