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This is kinda hard to read inside the Y!A table. You should upload it to one of the trillions of writing-in-progress sites out there and link to it for us. Also stop using first person and past tense. Challenge yourself not to sound like everyone else.

Look, kiddo. If you think you're going to be passionate about writing, you should really spend a good five years reading the best of the best out there. Start some writing of your own only once you've got some Dickens and Hemingway in your library. Avoid crap like Twilight.