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    Is it true they can never do a reality TV show on Fantasy Island?

    "Boss! Boss! De plane! De ---" "Has gone down in a fiery plume yet again, Tattoo. I know, I know."
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    Last night I was visited by the Ghosts of Easter Past, Present, and Future....

    ...And in each and every case....? ...I just wound up with more stupid eggs on the back step. No life lessons learned, and Tiny Tim complained that I ate his Cadbury egg (that liar). Am I missing out on something special, or should I just double the bourbon in my coffee?
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    I walk RIGHT UP to the corpse at funerals, and drive the stake into its heart...

    ...right then and there.? Saves me the time and trouble of coming back in the middle of the night and digging up the coffin and doing the same thing! Yet our funeral director says this is terrible timing and wants me off of the premises. Is he a servant of the undead legions trying to take...
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    If God made us in His image, does that mean he's getting those pesky "increase...

    ...your manhood" emails too? Can't help but feel insecurity and perceived shortcomings are all part of the divine experience...
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    I find that my face-painting booth goes through more customers if I just spray

    paint the little tyke's faces..? ...often at the rate of 5 kids a minute! Should I patent this idea? The fumes and skin rashes are just a minor setback, right?
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