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I went to my son’s school to have lunch with him on his birthday and I couldn't help but feel sad/proud.

...least 29? I'm talking about York Peppermint Patties. Obviously.

someone named Pooky? Hello. Yo, is this Ashley? Yes. You know Pooky? *laughs and laughs* I can assure you I do not. Well listen, we married and we have a baby and I don't appreciate you talkin' to him. *laughs and laughs some more and hangs up* Come to find out, it was the crazy girlfriend of...

Follow up question … Are you a raging alcoholic?

I've never seen my ultra smart son look so bewildered.

When the troll's stapler breaks, she gets a new one. When my stapler breaks, I have to use paperclips and we all know how lame paperclips are.

He swore his name was Brian but I'd recognize that uber sexy and confident voice anywhere.

state - California car - you borrowed your cousin's scooter and never gave it back virgin - no, 2 partners BFF - Ashley drug - cocaine sex - yes, please (boy) current temp in Barrow, Alaska - who cares? really? done and done!

on your body? Whilst showering this morning, I discovered a bright pink star on the back of my leg. I have no idea when it got there or who put it there. Go ahead and make your little jokes but I’ll have you know that I’ve been sober for three weeks. Not a drop of gin, not a puff of green, not...

...around, riding bikes and swimming,? does he ever get sad that he's inside doing laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, making your lunch and trimming the dog's toenails?

...they baked? I like cupcakes as much/way more than the next gal but I'm not willing to die for 'em. Unless, of course, they've got chocolate frosting.