Recent content by greybeard

As I voted No for the Assembly, I probably will vote no again! I live in North Wales and most things to do with the Assembly are Cardiff and South Wales based, we always are treated like the poor relations. I can be in Liverpool or Manchester in one hour, Cardiff would take overthree and a half...

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ........ A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishmen want to get in, but they haven't got tickets. So the Scotsman picks up a manhole cover. Tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. " McTavish , Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he...

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best before End' So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue ?" I said "No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where's he...

John was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and...

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch. One of the tourists asked the waitress, 'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce...

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to...

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We...

From Jackie Mason, New York Jewish comedian, the king of the one-liners. A will is a dead giveaway. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. A chicken crossing the road; poultry in motion. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft; I'll show you...

Mexican Oysters A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is...

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles...

I could not believe my ears, those blighters in Whitehall are thinking of reducing the speed limit to 20 MPH in urban areas, does this mean that Mrs GB will have to walk in front of our automobile carrying a Red flag as in days gone by?

The Government in it's wisdom is getting rid of Cheques, how am I going to pay my subscription to the Golf Club? .

I have a Freeview digital box connected to my ariel which also records, similar to a Sky Plus. Is there a way to connect another digital box so that when I switch on the TV I get a picture without having to switch my recording box off then on as I have to do at present?

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing...

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ' How many of you have forgiven your enemies? ' 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. 'Mrs. Neely?'; ' Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'...