Pap smears aren't a walk through the park. I've had a couple before I was pregnant and I had one a couple of weeks ago (my first pregnant pap) and my doctor used big tongs and stuck her finger in there too. Honestly you're overreacting. Get used to it because it's not going to be your last...
Don't worry about them. As long as you're teaching your kids, loving them, playing with them and actually being a mother it's no ones business. Just be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Looks doesn't make you a good or bad mom. Women are just bitches.